I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
