Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
