hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
