did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
this will be a night to untag.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
