we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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