3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm so fucking centered right now
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
