You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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