I think I won the penis lottery.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.