Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.