Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
