You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
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You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
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Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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