I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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