dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
