someone owes me an orgasm
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
