I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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