I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
