areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
