I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
