i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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