I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
