go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
