You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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