i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
