Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Randomize
