oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
