i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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