dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
