I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
