Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize