Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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