She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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