Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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