My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
