i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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