alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
