____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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