oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
