woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
