Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
