I think im going to throw up on grandma
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
