if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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