nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
