So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
