I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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