Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
