my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
