I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
