Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
