pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
