then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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