im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Panties = found
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
