Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
