i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
