So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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