Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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