I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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