Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
