I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
should my penis look like a turkey
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize