What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
