I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
