When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
