My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
