Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
