I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
