I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
