He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You pole danced in your parka.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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