I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize