We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
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I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
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He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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