When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
