Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We need a shit load of segways right now
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
