I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
