My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
What drink are we having for lunch?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
