guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
