Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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