Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
