i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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