so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
