I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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