I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
