The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
